I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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