Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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