just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
