we're chasing vodka with high fives
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
