meet me or not, i'm out of control
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
