I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
