This girl is more easily done than said...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
me + whiskey = a bad person
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
