seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
