No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
