I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
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its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
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I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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