Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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