Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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