it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
