Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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