shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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