Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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