So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
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Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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