How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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