Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
