is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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