Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
