If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
