I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
