dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
