A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you will always have a special place in my vag
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
