awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
