im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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