We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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