you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
