She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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