Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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