so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
