He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm too high and old for this...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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