Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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