Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
