was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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