He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
