You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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