Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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