All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
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