Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
