her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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