Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
