I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
