Nicole vs. Life
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
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