you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize