If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
