Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
