my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He called his prostate his "boner button".
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
