So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Floor bacon is actually really good
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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