remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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