Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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