Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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