watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
