so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
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