oh god the rape fog is back!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize
