You were right. It hurts to walk today.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
