i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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