i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
