well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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