your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
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I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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