i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
