He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
