I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
