Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
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Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
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I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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