is your mom at the bar?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
