sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize