THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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