i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
