Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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