You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
