sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
