I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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