I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
