You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we're chasing vodka with high fives
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
