i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize