YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
