I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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