I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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