wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
