Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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