You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
