we're chasing vodka with high fives
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
