I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i love accidental penises.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
