so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
