i was born a porn star she said
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
