I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
